Wednesday, March 15, 2017

Two years ago today.....

41 years ago, if you had looked up in the dictionary the definition of a "hot Mess"... you would of seen my face.
After having two failed marriages in the same amount of years, I had no intention of developing anymore relationships for quite a while...considering my poor record. Hell, one of the reasons for picking Chico State College was an attempt to put the past behind me.
Things went well for months, I'd go to school, work and fish on the weekends. My life revolved around those activities and not partying the nights away. One of my principle hangouts was the Denny's, in downtown, where believe it or not... a lot of ideas and soul searching went on, all the while consuming vast quantities of coffee.

 I drove through Chico with the motorhome on my way south for the winter in 2015 in an effort to recreate

some of my memories of the past. I found the Denny's, with its new name, Jack's, still with the same ambience that I remembered over three decades earlier. 

I told the manager of my "trip down memory lane" and asked to take a picture, which he graciously agreed.
The empty first seat is where I'd park my butt and read textbooks or cram for that mornings test and not once did my waitress (who also attended CSU) me way. I'm sure I had cost her a few bucks in tips by hogging my seat.
My typing skills at the time were poor and I asked my waitress if she would be willing to type some of my school reports...I'd pay for this of course, it was the least I could do for costing her money by camping on the counter.
There was a bit of flirtation going on for weeks, until I got up the nerve to ask my waitress out on a date. Unfortunately, she accepted, which actually made me more nervous.
We had a few dates before I told her my extensive history of failures, but this did not frighten her at all. She did mention it seemed like I had a many layers of walls I was hiding behind...Oh, did I mention she was a psych major?

By now I am sure you know the name of my waitress, and probably my life saving angel...Donna.
We dated for another two years before getting married in 1978. 
Donna never, ever, pushed to make me a better and more responsible person...she just led the way and I followed willingly like a puppy dog. Without me knowing it, she shaped me, like she was molding clay with the gentlest hands, into someone who could also see the good in other people, just like she could.
Who knows where I would be today without her guidance and gentle ways, I have my own ideas, but none of them turn out very well.
I believe everyone has a sponsor on earth to help them grow. Most of us rely on our parents for this job, sometimes it's a complete stranger and other times it's their soul mate who completes you as a person, as in my case. It's pretty easy to spot people that never hooked up with their sponsor, just look in prison or the poor and bewildered walking the streets.

You've heard the term "natural beauty"? Well Donna exemplified that term to a "T". Not just in looks, but she never had a bad word about anyone in the 40 years I knew her, other than maybe the man that married her mother, a guy named George, who took all the heritage that was left by her father and than mother, who died while Donna was just a teen.

To me she was just as beautiful when sick, as she was at anytime of our life together. It was an amazing testimony of willpower and so sad to watch the person you've loved completely for years, undergo such hardship and pain, yet never complain.

Even when things were not looking up for Donna, her concern was for me and my health. Because of her path...showing me how to live life, she allowed me to believe in love and to continue my life as she would of wanted me too. Donna was very concerned about my recent weight gain while being her caretaker and insisted I do something about it. She also knew and helped care for my father with me the last few years of his life and she did not want me to live without a life he did for nearly 30 years.
Dad may of been happy with that, but Donna knew it would not be good for me.
Because of her guidance, I am very open to finding someone I could go through the remainder of my life with a person that is honest, loving and open to adventure.

Life offers no guarantees but my thought is that Donna had a hand in finding Carla to join me. Carla is not threatened at all by my love of you...she encourages it and understands that people's hearts are big enough for more than one person to occupy the space.

Is this my last relationship? Time will tell but my feeling, and how I developed it in the last 41 years... believes it is.

RIP Sweetheart.

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