Hello, Hello...are you out there babe?

That last night we were together at the hospital, I remember talking to you for hours, even though you were in a coma and I was blabbing away about nothing, when all of a sudden you turned your head with open eyes and looked at me. I knew immediately that your body just relaxed, your eyelids opened and you had passed away.  It would have been nice to think that you had to sneak one last peek at me before you went, but medically they'd think I was nuts. 

I never felt so alone in my life than at that moment, even though I had family in the room next to me. 

I'm going to try to keep track of things you've missed and send them to you, who knows whether you can actually get messages from beyond but here goes. 

Officially, the ruling at the hospital was that you had beaten the leukemia, but in doing so, it took such a toll on your body that you just couldn't recover.

You had a wonderful memorial at the house with all the neighbors. Paul made a beautiful church bench with a plaque on it "To Donna from the neighborhood". Denny, Laura and Ashley were there, all the neighbors and Duane surprised me by flying up for your memorial.  

Next came the memorial in Las Vegas. Your girlfriends really outdid themselves. They had it all organized for me and attended by so many people we both knew. All your coworkers, lots of the old bosses and all my family. We had a good celebration for you honey. 

After Vegas, I did what you asked me to do.  I went home, picked up the dogs, and drove down to see our granddaughter Kendra Moon born. She is so beautiful and a day early! 

Two days later Riley and I went to see Jessica get married. It was a beautiful ceremony, I sure wish you could have seen it, very fancy. After that, the dogs I headed home. 

Two weeks later I went to North Fork, Idaho because I know how much you enjoyed camping there. I went to our favorite place for a beer, Booker's Retreat, and they ask about you and were saddened by your passing. I was supposed to meet Chrissy in the Tetons  (I think my family is trying to keep me busy) but I went home after North Fork, just too tired to go on and needed some rest. 

 

I've been busy acquiring firewood for the coming winter. I get the dogs groomed just like you did and give them their flea ointment, just as you would have done. Benji and Missy have been keeping your side of the bed warm for me. At times they still run to your door of the car when I come home expecting you to open it.

Nona and her dad (he's 94 and kicking) came up to give me some moral support... her dad wants to buy land and build his house. Again, he's 94, but you really don't want to discourage someone's dream no matter how old they are.

Haven't gone anywhere lately, but I did take up walking to try and rid myself of the weight I put on while in Seattle. What I really need is you putting me on Weight Watchers like before, that worked really well back then. 

We've had a few parties in the neighborhood and there is always the question, "how are you doing Tom" and you know what my answer is, babe? "I'm doing well". As you and I have discussed in the past, life must go on for the survivor. Do I miss you? Oh my, like the dickens!  

This week while coming home from Spokane I started talking to you out loud. Good thing I was alone or the boys may of had me committed. I was apologizing to you for your only getting three years in retirement before I remembered all the vacations, trips and boats we did or had while we worked. We lived half our life in semi-retirement, didn't we. That  made me feel a little better. 

Honey, I love our home and sometimes the only consolation I can find in being here is that, if it was me who had passed first, you would have sold the house an gone back to Las Vegas where your girlfriends are. I'm staying, I love what is to be our last home. 

You are still here with me and there is no "till death do us apart" clause in our love, even in death you are my one and only...I love you. 

Sorry to ramble on babe and I really hope you can somehow see this. You know how important the blog is for me and this would be where you'd look first, if you can.